I am not studying and the fear of loss is hovering above my skies.
Is this a surrender to the power that controls the contemporary lives, where learning is important for one to live comfortably?
Is this my cry to go against the current and am I believing in my own power that I do not want to become part of the insitute, of the community at college?
A year ago, I would literally eat up my studying and surprize myself with my assignements. Today, I find myself thinking that having to abide by the rules and study is a form of power whose control is eating me up from the inside.
Where does the fear of power start and end?
Why am I so weak that I'm about to my life away because of this idea of power. I do not want to conform to rules, I want to be Control Free.... unbound to whatever force and whatever thought. Howver, I find myself drowning more and more in this controversy of perception.
Most things have become blurry and dizzy. It feels I'm spinning around and getting nowhere.
I want to study and learn but no commitments i can deliver... Hence, chaos of my life is getting organized and charted along these lines.
JOin me in DEATH!